\rant

*language alert*

A life spent wallowing in self pity is a pretty dull one.

I've spent way too long here - so I'll just put it out here to exorcise the demons. The demon in this case is my "devil leg" - the one with IT band issues.

I am really, really annoyed that my IT band has kept me out of Rock and Roll.

It's not that I missed one race. Missing a race because of injury is a smart thing to do, and I'm not going to beat on myself about that. I have totally learned my lesson on the "live to train another day" thing. I was doing well up to that point - that's what I find so annoying.

And when I think about it, I've missed a few big things because of my IT band.

There are races I would have liked to do but didn't, for fear I would end up injuring myself and being able to not run.

I had to cut back on the mileage I planned for the Colorado Relay last September.

Not to mention La Luz training - the pain in my knees at the end of La Luz was so bad my legs stopped working at the end.

I'm so annoyed about it right now that everything is pissing me off.

Everything.

Even the stupid cat who is here pushing on my hand as I try to type. Fuck off, cat.

I've been in self pity about it for weeks. I can't plan any further ahead than next week because I don't know what my leg can do. There are lots of races I want to do, but I will just have to wait and see - and pay lots of late entry fees (I suppose that's the good news).

I am really, really good to my legs. I've been stretching every night before bed, and every day before I work out - for a long time. I've been using the roller once, sometimes twice a day. I use the stick. I stretch the calves. I stretch the hips. I fall asleep with a hot pad on the hip. I take hot baths with epson salts. I rub my leg with precious oils, and burn incense and pray to the hip and knee.

I have good shoes. I have new shoes. I have old shoes. I have shoes designed to kill ITB syndrome altogether (Nike Kantara), and I've been wearing them 24/7. I have ditched my desk chair in favor of a giant ball (my personal theory is that my hip hurts because my ass is not shaped like a chair).

I cut mileage, it starts to feel OK. I bring it back up gradually, it hurts, I cut it back. I've taken days, and weeks off run training. I cross train. It even hurts when I'm on the bike now, sometimes.

I had that question occur to me last week - the one that happens sometimes in relationships. You know, the one where you think, this is too hard. If it's too hard, isn't that a sign? Like it shouldn't be this hard?

I decided fuck signs. Running is supposed to be hard. It's the whole point. Everybody has problems, everybody has to deal with them in different ways. Besides - the problem goes to the background when I go faster.

Hrm...maybe that's the sign I'm supposed to listed to...

I got new orthotics last weekend - again. My orthotic guy is running out of ideas, which is very frustrating. On the plus side, I did figure out (in the course of the orthotic changing thing) that my body was built - a long time ago - to be pigeon toed. I have spent my life trying not to be pigeon toed, and apparently my bones don't agree with my brain. So I'm trying to figure out how my legs were meant to run, and honor that. I hope it helps.

I have discovered on the treadmill that where I put my feet makes a difference - a wider gait seems to help. But it doesn't make it go away, in the way that I used to could run without thinking about it.

Yet.

I'll also be aqua running this week - it sounds bloody boring, but I'll do it.