firstly and foremostly, i am a bad, bad patient. my broken-ness, along with oxycodone, combined with pms has made me, well, a word that rhymes with unholy bitch.
i'm better now.
i'm healing fast. it's now been two weeks since i sustained a radial head fracture to my right arm and a fracture to my left 5th proximal phalange.
I now have 8 free fingers, mostly usable. i take tylenol and ibuprofen when i need to. i'm 99% not using my sling. i have about 160 of my 180 degrees of arm extension. i can type for a few minutes before i have to relax my hand. i have still not regained all the rotation, but i can open some doors. i can drive. i am still feeding myself with my left (non-dominant) hand, but I can lift a glass with my right. i put my contacts in for the first time today, because i can finally touch my eyeball. i can dress myself and tie my own shoes. i still can't put a ponytail holder in my hair, but i can wash my hair. i smell better.
the caps key, alas, is still outwith my power.
make no mistake - the shit is still broken (i get pain messages that tell me so), but it's getting better much faster than i thought it was supposed to. i can sense that at this rate, in a couple of weeks i'll be nearly back to normal, though i have no reason to push myself. we'll see how it goes.
i had an ephiphany in which i thought about how i might feel if a friend dropped my brand new expensive blingy bike and realised that (were this tragedy ever to befall me) the very last thing i would be concerned with would be the bike, and the most important thing would be my friend's health.
yes, i got there, all by myself. i understand now.
i have used this as a unique opportunity to think and reflect on what is really going on, and to ask myself some serious questions:
am i pushing my recovery too hard? i don't think so. when it hurts i stop. when i'm tired, i rest. when it doesn't hurt, i go. i don't have any healing agenda, i'm trying hard to listen to the messages i get from my body.
do i miss the training? hell yes.
do i miss running? more than breathing. i'm cataloging this feeling for the next time i'm not so keen to go out for a run.
do i miss swimming? not as much.
am i afraid to get back on a bike? most definitely. we'll cross that bridge when they build it
will i get back on a bike? i sure hope so.
was it time for a break? most certainly.
am i scared of detraining? a little, but mostly no. i'm confident i can get it back.
am i afraid that by taking a break i will get fat? resoundingly no.
is this a message from the universe telling me to slow down? God, I hope not - because i'm not listening.
am i sad about missing the race? yes.
would i race anyway? no - it's clearly not worth it.
the SOMA race people have very graciously taken my registration fee to apply to next year's race - so I'm racing SOMA 2007. my beloved thinks by that point i'll be ready for the half - i love the way he thinks...
with this in mind, i'm seriously thinking about coming out anyway - to volunteer, support, cheer, laugh, shout, and point...
at all of you!
5 comments:
another question:
would Bold let me ride his P3C?
answer:
no.
hopefully, that gives you even MORE clarity re your friend.
take your time, get all healed up right! it's practically offseason. i almost died on my last long ride (seriously)... there's a big bright side here for you!
you're alive! and, you can still read my blog!! and, you're SCOTTISH!!!
aww, come on, Bold! not even a short ride? ;-)
it's my husband who is the Scottish one. axe murderer is a classic in his country, oddly...
I'm glad you are feeling better.
Be smart about your recovery and things will be fine. Don't "test" your recovery just go with whatever time line a trusted Doc gives you and you'll be ok. I canme back from my stress fracture to do an IM and would have recovered sooner if I hadn't been so damn stuborn.
Glad to hear you are smelling better... and able to do more stuff. Sounds like you are a big girl and able to take care of yourself, I shan't worry a moment longer. I'm sure you are gratified about that.
Uh, am I alone in saying that it scares the hell out of me knowing that someone with 8 mostly usable fingers is out there? Driving. On the same ride that I'm cycling on. You're not helping my driver v. cyclist paranoia!
Heal fast, friend. See you in Tempe.
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