What will I do with my Shiny New Year?

Here is an excerpt from an actual New Year's Eve conversation:
Me: Hon, I heard that the top two things people plan for new year's resolutions are to lose weight and quit smoking.
Husband: (distracted) Uh huh....
Me: So which one are you picking this year?
Husband: oh, I guess I'll quit smoking then.
Me: yeah, me too. That sounds hard.

I hate New Year's resolutions. It seems shallow to make a resolution just because everyone else is. Why decide to make a change at the end of the year just because it's tradition? It's a doomed venture. If I really want to change, I do it. It happens.

I got up at 4:45 this morning to swim with the geezer jocks (a.k.a. masters swim, fast fishes, super guppies, etc.). I love that term, geezer jocks. It's silly, but still denotes respect. Sorta. Hey - I saw it on the cover of "Masters Athlete" Magazine at REI, so it must be OK.

Yes, there really is a "Masters Athlete" magazine...you can find it at http://www.geezerjock.com. I did not make this up.

AS I WAS SAYING, I got up really early this morning, I'm not firing on all cylinders. It's time for bed. That's my excuse, I am sticking to it. Nonetheless, I feel compelled to complete the following assignment - while my new year is still shiny and new:

Complete 2007, list everything you've done and everything you haven't done
What did I do in 2007?

Race wise, it's been quite a year with a lot of Firsts. I did my first snowshoe race, I did the relay leg of the Quad. I did the Bay to Breakers. I ran the Woodside Trail Run for my wedding anniversary, that was pretty special. The Iron Horse Bicycle Classic was a personal achievement, since it scared the snot out of me. I did a few sprint tris (Jay Benson, Socorro) and my first Olympic - Deuce's Wild. In August I did La Luz again - I do love that race. I finished my first stand-alone half-marathon (Chips and Salsa).

I also managed to do BSLT, no small thing - my first 70.3. This was probably one of my favourite achievements, since I left the race saying I had fun. I know many who have not had anything nice to say about Lubbock after the race.

In the not-so-successful category, I am not happy about what happened at the Colorado Relay. My team was wonderful. My leg, however, really let me down. I also had my first DNF - at SoMa. Though I am over it, it's a bummer to train hard for so long, and to feel so good during a race and to then sit on the happy feeling after a completely un-predictable mechanical failure.

I rebuilt a bike - with a lot of help from Dave. OK, mostly it was Dave. But I learned a lot in the process, and the artistic vision was mine. I built wheels. That I did with my own hands.

In the homelife column, I stayed mostly happily married another year, and did a few races with my husband. It's a unique experience to our relationship to actually do stuff together. I think I *get* him a little more since I took up this crazy triathlon training, and I think I have earned a little respect from him. I enjoy my husband's company. He makes me laugh, and I think he's really smart. I still think he's sexy, after 10 years of marriage. I still like to tell him that he amazes me (because he does). I still think he's amazing.

I spent a lot of quality time with my kiddos. I saw them into their first year in school, and their first big journey out of preschool. I showed them how mommy takes care of herself. I laughed with them. I cried with them. I shouted at them. I watched them grow into bigger clothes and into bigger people. I noticed that one of my daughters is deeply sensitive, and one of them is very energetic.

In the personal column, I count myself very lucky to have made a lot of good friends this year. I met Geekgrl, Nytro, 21st Century Mom, Benny, Momo, Stronger, Bolder, Duane, Comms, and others I can't think of in person. I told you I am not firing on all cylinders. I am amazed at how nicely people translate in person from their writing, and I am honored with the rich gifts of mutual friendships. Geekgrl, in particular, has been a good friend - since she's close, she gets to field the off-balance phone calls (along with the boring, non-drama ones). It's so good to know someone who will take a PMS phone call and be balanced about it even when I'm not.

It's a challenge for me to discuss me in a context outside of the safe zone of triathlon, but I will.

Career wise, I kept my job another year. I am balancing my work with my life - and I think I'm getting more successful at it. I still like my job. It still jazzes me to tell other people what I do. I'm deepening my relationship with my work, and that has been an interesting journey. I'm good at what I do. My company is good at what we do.

I know, that was weak, huh?

I got more lines in my face.

What didn't I do in 2007?

I didn't do a marathon. Or an Ironman. Or an ultra-distance run. I want these things, and I knew that 2007 probably would not be my year for these. There's no magic to that.

My leg failed me again. Stupid leg. The saga of my ITB is an ever-evolving process in which I learn something new, deal with it, and then something else happens. I don't need to give up. I was born to run.

I didn't do the home improvements I'd like to do some day. S'Okay, they're expensive.

I didn't walk away from my job and never come back. I'm having fewer days where I feel like that.

I didn't lose weight. I hoped to lose a little bodyfat, I think I gained some. I didn't maintain a perfect diet all the time.

I didn't get faster. I got more efficient and better at distance, but I don't think I got faster.

I didn't climb Mt. Everest. I used to think it would be a cool goal - but it's not anymore. I have no interest in this as a goal.

I didn't save a ton of money. We're working on that. I also didn't get any deeper into debt - that's good.

I didn't finish SoMa. I didn't finish all the legs of the Colorado Relay. They are just races.

I didn't stay home with my kids.

I can think of lots of things I didn't do that I don't care about, but these are the highlights of things I do.

Forgive yourself for what you didn't do but think you should have,
Sometimes I struggle. I go back and forth about my kids - should I spend more time with them? They're so young, they need me. They grow up so fast... Then the reality is that they need time with the world, to experience the world on the world's terms. I agree with Dr. Phil - I'm raising adults, not children. At the end of the day, I think it's just knee-jerk guilt - I feel guilty because I feel like I'm supposed to feel guilty. I have come to a conclusion that it's my job as a mother to feel guilty about not doing things - and I still sometimes struggle with some guilt about not being with them more. The other hard fact is that I think that if I were to spend more time with them, I'd feel less like a whole person. I'm happy doing what I do. I think they will learn more about how to be happy, whole people by having a happy mother than they would if I were to be a SAHM. Also, I would probably go insane. I forgive me for not being a stay at home mom.

I forgive myself for not doing the distance races I hope to eventually do. They weren't goals yet for the year, and I'm being sensible about my training.

I forgive my leg. It's a leg. It's doing the best it knows how.

I forgive myself for not being faster. This is all new to my body. This was only my 2nd season of Triathlon, it may take some time to integrate. I finished and I'm happy - that's pretty good!

I forgive myself for being too serious. I sometimes go a bit OCD on my family about my training - I love what I do, and I sometimes think I could skip a workout or two and still be OK, but I get a little compulsive about my training (just 5 more minutes of swimming, honey). I forgive me.

I forgive myself for not writing and keeping in touch with my friends more often. I think they are probably busy people too, and they probably feel like they could keep in touch more also. So friends? I love you. And I forgive me, just like I forgive you (if you needed forgiven).

I forgive me for not being perfect. It's crazy to think I have to be, and yet I think I sometimes still beat myself up for thinking I should be.

Celebrate what you did do,
Dude. Did you see that list? I haven't seen it all laid out like that yet. That's quite a list - and I did all that! Me!

I.

Am.

AWESOME!!

and declare an intention for 2008.
My intention for 2008. Just one?

I see 2008 as a year of big change. I seem to know a few people who are starting off their shiny new years with a bang - and I feel a touch of envy. So far for me, it's just been another day.

So. If 2008 is a year of change, what are my intentions?

I intend to to explore a deeper relationship with my business - it's a bit scary, but I'm starting to feel like leadership material. It's starting to feel comfortable.

I intend to get even better at balancing my work/spouse/kid/training/me thing.

I intend to improve my relationship with my father.

There are races I intend to do that I did before - but faster. I intend to get even more efficient with my distance - and get comfortable with some speed. Is it me who keeps me slow? Will I give up on my belief in a lack of capability? I don't know. I intend to change it.

I intend to do at least one marathon.

I intend to have fun - with my training, with my family, with my work.

I intend to do an Ironman. I intend to do Vineman.