If I'm not laughing I'm crying.

The race was Milk Man, the venue was Dexter, NM. Home of the Dexter Demons and scenic Lake Van, a duck toilet which I should mention is now probably a giant urine sample. Someone should test that water...

This was my first openwater swim. I brought a wetsuit along, though everyone insisted I absolutely would not need it since Lake Van is so shallow you could stand up in it at its deepest point. I swam the course the day before, and talked myself out of using the wetsuit at the last minute. In retrospect, this was a bad move -- I think even having the wetsuit might have boosted my confidence enough for me to KEEP BLOODY SWIMMING instead of stopping for panic breaths every 10 strokes. I didn't need the air, I wasn't even being harrassed by other swimmers - I was just...freaked out. Every time I stopped thinking, I swam great. When I started thinking, I started to panic. Weird. Swim time: 13 something for 500m. Not great.

After a fairly quick transition to the bike, I was happy to be out of the lake and on the road. It was a rough paved out-and-back course, up hill with a tailwind, back downhill with a headwind, like some kind of cruel joke. What was crueller was losing the little spongy thing that kept the water from splashing out of my aerobottle - yees, that was me. I lost it at the cattleguard about halfway out, and was showered in Cytomax with every bump - and there were a lot of bumps. This made it very difficult to concentrate. At the halfway point, I decided to gel-up for the run. It was at this point I got covered in sticky cherry gel - as if I needed another distraction. Bike time: 44 and change -- that's a woefully slow 17mph average, which is, suffice it to say, not my best pace. Where is my power going?!

The run was probably my best for the day, I actually made up a little time in the run, so all that running I have been doing is paying off -- it's sucking my legs away from the bike, but it's making up time in the run. Time: 28 and change for a quick 3.15 miles. 9 minute miles is not my fastest pace, but after all that it's not bad. I was happy with the run.

It is at this point that I'd like to mention that I have never seen a larger collection of carbon fiber and solid wheel and high dollar machinery as I did this weekend. And here's me with my wee Schwinn...By and large, the athletes were all very serious about their sport. There was no sub-category for Pro for this event, so I have no idea how many pros I was running with here. In Dexter, NM. Home of the Dexter Demons. Where do these people come from?!

So picture me, soaked in alkaline duck-poopy lake water, caked in salt crystals and showered with cytomax and streaked with cherry gu. And Ice cream (the race is sponsored by local dairy producers, hence the name). Oh, and did I mention I started my period yesterday? Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

And it was in that state that I met Super Athena, who is far more glamorous in person than she likes to portray in her blog. And she smelled good too - what's up with that?!

And then we left. Understand that at the time I left, not all the results had come in. I was convinced that I came in last in my age group. So I did what any pirate in my condition would do...I cried. Like a baby. For many miles.

I am depressed today, because my ego is destroyed and I have lost the plot. When did this stop being fun and start being stressful? When did I start putting so much pressure on myself, and why?

The times came in today, and it turns out I wasn't quite last -- I was 7th out of 9 in my age group. In awesomely supportive spousal style, my husband has helped me de-construct the race. He determined the following:

• My swim was no worse than Jay Benson. It was 2 minutes longer for 100m longer, which is just right.
• My bike was 1mph slower than Jay Benson. When we compare all the big racers and racers we know, all their bike times were also about 1mph slower than Jay Benson.
• My run time...well, we don't need to talk about my run time because it's the only part of the race I was actually happy with. I did the best I could and I know it.