I ran 8 miles on Tuesday.It was a really good run, in that I actually did run 8 whole miles. I only intended to run 7, but you know how it is -- you get lost, there's a nice view, etc and before you know it, gosh look at the mileage. We were in the foothills, so there were intense uphills and happy downhills the whole way.
Running 8 miles was effectively doubling my max mileage for this year, so it was kind of a big deal for me. Plus, it's the most I've ever run in a single session ever in my whole life. We did stop for breaks every 2 miles or so, which explains the exceedingly pokey overall pace. I tried to push pace to the back of my head, I did - this wasn't about speed, it was about putting some trail behind me.
The first and last mile or so were pure torture. I felt like I was crawling back to the parking lot. The middle 5 or so miles were actually kind of cool, in a brain-addled euphoric kind of way.
To follow up, I did a 1500m swim yesterday, and now the pain in my lower body is matched with agony in my shoulders and back. 1500m is a big distance for me. I can see from my own blog that I did it last week, but it's still an ominous distance. I think every time I do it I sort of commit it to a memory black hole, as if to say, "no, I couldn't do that." How many times will I have to do it before I can own it?
I should mention that last night's swim was also an exercise in fear, since I have my very first open water swim coming up next weekend. Every time I get in the pool and think about it, I feel nauseous. I'm not sure if it's the impending swim, or the water in my ears, but it does not make for a fun time in the pool.
Today I hurt. I hurt so much I'm wondering why I put myself through this. OK, so I did a triathlon, what was the point? Why do I want to do it again? Are fear and pain the only payoffs?
So I googled "internal motivator triathlon" and found this little gem (who is this person and how do they know so much about how I tick?):
http://www.tinamiteko.com/sports_psych.htm
I can only guess from this that most, if not all triathletes go through the same thing - we punish ourselves so much we lose sight of the point.
I've decided I'll make today about finding the driver...and a hot bath, I think.
And please - if you're out there, I'd love to hear from you --please comment and tell me what drives you.
1 comment:
I just stumbled across your blog after googling for internal motivator.
I am a sort of mouse-potator turned fitness freak and am proud that I can now run 4 miles without a problem. This is a record and notable personal achievement in that I have not been able to do that during my teen years - not even close.
But careful training and a high internal motivator (about which I'm learning more everyday actually) has made it all possible. It all started out as a way of losing a few kilograms and in doing that I have gained so much more - confidence, self-esteem etc. And what's more I've lost 18 kilos (about 40lbs) in less than 5 months. And there is more to be had...i'm loving it.
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