You know the conversations...chatting friendly on a ride with new people. On my Saturday ride, someone I have never met before asked me about me.
I was flattered when she asked if I race bicycles (she must have been buttering me up!). I told her I train for triathlon. She asked, "so, do you like to compete?"
Without even thinking about it I answered, "No, but I really like racing."
Competing is something I associate with a burning desire to dominate, to win. While I know what that feels like to want to win, it's not my driver. It's not what gets me up early on the weekend to go ride and run. It's not what gets me out of the house at the end of the day to go swim.
Competing is about other people. Racing is about me.
Racing is something I do for fun - go to a new place, see a new course, say hello to friends. Sometimes I do it to do something big, something that's important to me. To prove to myself that I could do something I didn't think I could.
I stay in shape so that racing stays fun. It's my time to build fellowship, to enjoy my community. I train so I can do new races, so I can try new things. So I can keep it fun. I like racing because it's a (relatively) safe environment to go as fast as I want to. To do as big a thing as I feel capable of.
When I train, I don't always feel a burning desire to go out and make it count. I used to feel that way - when the girls were little and time felt really precious, I felt like I had to make every second count because I was sneaking 20 minutes of training in between the 400 million other things I felt compelled to do every day. These days my training mostly feels a little more measured. I have days where I am just going through the motions. I fake it 'till I make it. Sometimes it feels like crap, and then it feels better, and then it feels fun.
Sometimes it just feels like crap. That's OK. Tomorrow is another day.
Running is my church. Riding is my church. It's my meditation. It's my time to talk to my higher power, to check in with the insides and check out the world. Training can be spiritual, (though I don't think every ride, run, swim and lift is always a spiritual experience). I have community of fellow church-goers. A fellowship of athletes. My community is full of fast people and slow people. We all have our reasons to be there, whether we know them or not.
I don't have to be there, nobody forces me out of bed. I choose to be there. I'm there because I love it.
Running with my husband the other morning, I was reflecting on how good it felt to be out with the birds, with him - chatting and enjoying the outside. Enjoying his company. Feeling really good about our relationship, feeling good about what we were doing. Enjoying being together. This is not how we started out. When I met him, I was a smoker, I was out of shape. I thought to myself, how long did it take for me to run before this actually became fun? Before we could run together?
It took years to get here.
I'm not giving that up.
I told him recently that I don't want to do this thing short term. I want this as more of a long term thing. I don't want to burn out, I don't want a part-time hobby. I want this as part of my life. It's important to me to keep this for a long time. For me.
(and I'm sure it'd be good for the kids too - but even this is not my driver)
"That's good," he said.
I get the feeling that's what he wants too.
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9 comments:
Exactly! I get what you are saying exactly. It reminds me that I have to let go of benchmarking myself against others and just enjoy the experience - for me. I forget that far too often.
I was thinking I would be happy when Wildflower is over so I can just go back to cycling and running for fun (I always swim for fun) but reading your post I realize that I don't have to wait. I can start having fun just as soon as my stupid hammy straightens up.
So Thanks! Excellent post.
Very awesome. Its so important to keep all of this in perspective - and remember that the ultimate goal is being fit and having fun for life, not just to achieve a certain time in a certain race.
Your post also reminds me that I need to tune in more to the spiritual side of training - I used to get that on many of my runs and lately, I've just been focusing on the heart rate monitor or my time or how far I've gone. Thanks for reminding me whats really important!
Cool. This post explains so much o' the Pirate and makes me very happy for you. Not that I was worried... it's just so good to be level nowadays.
Reminding yourself of the long-term does help, doesn't it? I'm sure we've all run into people who start the ol' "I used to (bike, run, swim, whatever) but my (knee, back, foot, whatever) went out and I had to give it up..." Like Phoenix says, it's so great to toss that hrm aside and get out there unplugged. Just you and your thoughts, or maybe no thoughts at all!
Great post. You really summed up my feelings around training and racing as well.
And so you have finally become a Life Athlete or Fitness Enthusiast. A lifestyle change to be a healthier you.
Very good for you.
ah, another ex smoker. Well, you summed it up completely. If only I didn't get so lazy to run...and then not running makes me feel even lazier...I need to get off the couch. I envy you for being able to run with the Mr. If I weren't so darn slow, I could do that, too!
Now here is something I read in "The Lore of Running"
Many runners who "compete", run and train very hard, end up not being able to run as they get older mostly because of knee damage. This is especially true of eliete short to mid distance runners who start young. On the other hand, regular mortals like us are typically able to enjoy running late into life.
I would much rather slog for 50 years than fly for 10!
And, hey GEEKGRL...we ran a marathon together...and you beat me, remember?
A girl after my own heart! (You put your feelings so eloquently into words...great post! I enjoyed it and found myself nodding in agreement with many if not all things you said!)
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